How to Remember Names
Every once in a while I meet with a lovely group for a tea party (tea parties aren't just for little girls, you know!). Imagine a bunch of bright-eyed girls just beginning their careers and for some, married life. It's a time for good company, a fabulous array of teas, scrumptious finger foods and great conversations. I love hearing the life updates, observations, and recent musings. Yesterday we gathered again and the topic of etiquette blunders came up.
ALL of us had stories to share, but the one topic that we each seemed to relate on the most was the horror of forgetting someone's name! I shared my experience:
There have been two separate occasions in which not remembering a person's name came back to haunt me. In both cases I was approached by a young person I recognized. Each had asked me the same question, "Do you remember me?" I did remember them, so I said, "Yes, of course." Oddly enough, they both came back with, "Then what's my name?" Oh, dear... they had to put me on the spot, didn't they? In the first case I admitted that I didn't remember, in the second I made a guess. Bad idea times two. Both times the person looked hurt and walked away. It was a tough lesson that apparently needed repeating and one I will never forget.
Remembering someone's name is worth all the effort we give it. Why? Think about it. Have you ever experienced a person that seemed so personable, spoke your name often in conversation, and remembered you by name when you met again? Didn't that make you feel special? When you remember a person's name you are in essence saying to them, "Yes, I notice you, I'm listening to you, I'm interested in you, you matter, and I respect you."
There are a couple of tricks to remembering names so that you don't have to face a painfully awkward moment like I did (twice!):
1. When you are first introduced listen intently then repeat
the name immediately, "It is nice to meet you, Jan."
2. If you didn't catch the name, get things cleared up right
away, "I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch your name. Could you
tell me again?"
3. If the name is unusual and hard to understand, you may
explain, "Your name is so unique. Would you mind spelling it
for me?"
4. Now that you have the name, make a point of using it often
in the conversation. (i.e. I know what you mean, Jan. I, too,
struggle with reading on a flight so I find audiobooks to be
perfect!).
5. Continue to repeat the name in your head several times.
6. You may also make associations to help you remember a
name for the future. To help me remember the name of the
florist who provided flowers for my wedding I connected
her name, Sharon, to the Biblical reference Rose of Sharon
which connected Sharon to flowers which helped me to
remember Sharon, the florist. Try to avoid associations
with clothing because it's likely the person won't be wearing
the same outfit when you possibly bump into him or her
later.
7. Be sure to end your conversation by including their name,
"It was great talking with you, Jan. Take care!"
8. Stay connected through social media if you like. Seeing the
person's name and picture together often is like having
virtual flashcards for new connections. It's great!
Remembering names is just a little act of kindness yet it means so much.
Be bright and beautiful in word and deed,
Abigail
