How to Say, "I'm Sorry."

Have you ever wondered why I chose the blog title, "The Awkward Girl's Guide to (Almost) Everything?" The reason is because I've been that awkward girl and, believe it or not, I still am.

Being a certified etiquette coach doesn't guarantee that I won't ever have a blunder, say the wrong thing, or perform an action that was inconsiderate. In fact, I recently had to apologize to a lady for offending her by a comical skit I performed at my latest training.

It is my sincere endeavor to always be considerate in my actions and make it right when (not if) I've failed. I do this not because it's my job as an etiquette coach, but because it's the right thing to do. I would aim to do the same no matter what my profession. Etiquette is not just about never making mistakes, but knowing how to make things right when you do.

Since it is highly unlikely that we will go through life without offending someone along the way, it is vital to know how to make amends. I know it's not the most comfortable thing to do, but the gift of apologies is not just a gift to the offended party, but to yourself.

Have you ever had a falling out with someone which resulted in avoiding them at all costs and putting your mutual friends in a very awkward situation? Having unreconciled relationships can be likened to having an outstanding balance at the bank. The debt weighs on you constantly. That concept lends itself well to the well-known term, “You owe me an apology,” doesn't it? Free yourself of such bondage.

Apologies also have a way of defusing a heated situation. From Emily Post's ETIQUETTE, we can read, “It's hard for most people to remain angry with someone who takes responsibility for his own actions.” By admitting you're wrong and asking for forgiveness you're showing great maturity (an admirable character quality).

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the word apology means "an admission of error or discourtesy accompanied by an expression of regret." With this in mind, let's look at some tips for offering a sincere apology:

If you know you have offended someone, whether or not they come to you with the offense, you should seek that person out to make amends. Don't put this off. The sooner you apologize, the less time the offended party has to relive the offense and build up an emotional wall against you.
Offering a sincere apology requires seeing from the offended person's perspective (you may ask yourself, “Would I be feeling the same way if the tables were turned?”).
When you know you truly are in the wrong, avoid words such as, “I'm sorry that offended you.” This indicates that you aren't sorry for your actions (you aren't recognizing your error), only that the other person was offended by them. Looking at the very definition of the word, this statement doesn't qualify as an apology.
Apologies should be done in person. If that isn't possible, a phone call or handwritten letter is your next best bet. You can begin by saying, “I believe I owe you an apology.” Flowers are also a sweet gesture.
Apologies should end with, “Please forgive me” or “Would you forgive me?”

A goal of this blog is to help save you from silly blunders, avoidable pitfalls,

and painfully awkward moments. Some of what I share comes from my own hard lessons. I would spare you the route of trial and error if I could and allow you to learn from my mistakes and the wisdom gained from the experiences and study of others.

Finally, remember that everyone needs a little grace, even those we suppose should have it all together.

With love and respect,

Abigail George