How to Ask With Class
Do you ever have those days that feel like a Full House episode? There are some funny moments, a few witty one-liners and then the dramatic music plays and a life lesson is learned.
Yesterday was one of those days for me.
I met with a new client who, by the way, is an amazing woman who donates some of her time investing in the lives of teen girls. We got acquainted with one another for a good while before we started discussing business.
One thing I noticed about her was that as kind and gentle as she is, she isn't afraid to ask for what she wants. She shared with me that this is a rule she lives by. "The worse somebody can do is say no," she told me.
So true.
Why is it that we are often afraid of asking? I believe many times we aren't getting what we want because we simply aren't asking for it.
During our meeting she asked for me to work with her on a few things, which I was happy to do. She even asked for a packet of the same tea we had enjoyed to take home for later. Our server was happy to oblige.
She shared with me that she had read a book she thought would be helpful to the teen girls she works with. She asked the author of the book through e-mail if she would donate enough books for her group. The author wasn't in a position to do that, but do you know what she did do? She provided a discount, free shipping, and a free Skype call with the girls to discuss her book. She even called my client personally!
Asking makes things happen that likely wouldn't have otherwise.
After my meeting with this inspiring client I attended an event, which funny enough, was hosted by the organization called Women Asking.
On display from this group's last meeting was a board covered with colorful sticky notes on which women shared something they had asked for and many shared the results. As I read, "I asked for a promotion and I got it!" "I asked for rebranding and it's underway." and "I asked for business, and boy did I get it!" I was inspired.
The only risk of asking is you just may get what you're asking for!
Now I'll admit that it takes bravery to stare at the possibility of rejection. But tell me, which is better? To ask and receive a "no," or to not ask and continue trucking forward resentfully, carrying more than you should, missing that special opportunity, or never knowing what could have been?
This past Mother's Day I had the idea of having an afternoon tea to celebrate my mother-in-law. In order to pull the event together and get all of the tasks done on time and according to the vision I had in mind, I was going to need some help. Asking for help from my husband and sister-in-law meant that I would also have to tell them what to do and how to do it. Being more naturally drawn to supportive roles, this intimidated me a little. And you know what? I had these fearful questions:
Would they resent me telling them what to do?
Would they see me as a bossy-pants?
Would they be annoyed at my assigning them tasks?
All of these fears had the potential to scare me off from asking and leave me doing all the work myself. Only one thing saved me from doing just that -- My motivation. Because I knew it was a good cause and the people I would be asking would feel the same way, I asked.
The secret to asking confidently is to ask with a good motive. The event turned out to be great, and I think everyone was proud of the way they contributed. One thing that really surprised me, though, was how thankful my helpers were toward me for organizing and overseeing everything (for enlisting their help and telling them what to do)!
I have had a major paradigm shift this month around the whole idea of asking for what I need and even for what I want.
<<<Cue the dramatic conclusion music>>>>
Fears like inconveniencing someone, seeming bossy or needy, or that I may well receive a "no" have been holding me back. But what I've come to realize and truly believe is this:
I believe that if our motives are in the right, we should never fear asking for what we want or need, whether it be donated books that we think will impact the lives of teen girls, help in putting together a special celebration for a loved one, or even for a job promotion.
What is it that you want that you could ask for today? I'd like to challenge you to make a list of three things you'd like to ask for and then go for it! These things may fall under the categories of:
Information
Help & Support
Feedback
Monetary Support for a Cause
Physical Items
References
Friendship or Mentorship
Here are three tips to help you ask for what you want with both confidence and class:
1. Begin with your motive. Is it a good one? If so, don't be afraid to ask for what you want or need! Remember, asking is powerful and makes things happen! 2. Check your attitude and ask with gratitude! It's in poor taste to ask with an air of entitlement. Start out by thanking the person you're asking for giving you their time, and end by thanking them for their consideration.
3. Ask with humility. Do not presume that someone will help you, and don't get angry should they choose not to.
To increase your chances of success, try asking those who would agree with your motive, goal, or vision. You may also ask those who care about you, if not for the project itself. If you've been inspired to ask for something, I'd love to hear what it is so leave a comment! And if you found this blog post helpful, I'd be honored if you'd share it with your friends. Until next time, be bright and beautiful in word and deed! -Abigail George
